Wake up Sheeple!

So there was a bit of a running joke (if I remember correctly)among some of my fellow ancient history undergraduates about the Roman general/dictator and all round stand up guy Lucius Cornelius Sulla being lord Voldemort…..

Sulla.

 

Voldemort.

 

Honestly I just can’t see it, sure they were both violent psychos born to aristocracy but who grew up poor to eventually rise up in soceity by dint of extraordinary natural ability and drive who then resorted to violence and death squads while seizing absolute power and ruling through fear with the aid of a significant segment of thier society’s traditional elite but……..Sulla clearly has eyebrows! I just don’t see it…..

I’ll tell you what I do see though people: The hidden truth! What THEY don’t want you to know! This so-called great man:

Proffesor “Dumbledore”

Is really:

Sulla. Notice the telltale eyebrows.

Don’t let the fake ass santa clause beard fool you, their one and the same! Wake up Sheeple! The true dark lord has been among us, ruling over us this whole time! He’s even got himself a new private army! Quiver in fear! because compared to Lucius Cornelius Sulla Voldedorks a pussy!

 

or…..maybe their all the same person………..*gasp*

Welcome back for another year students, In order to provide a little extra excitement to this years house competition, the house with the least points will be proscribed. If you have any questions or concerns please feel free to see me for you will find no better freind in me…….nor worse enemy…..

Final fantasy XV ending first thoughts (without spoilers)

Recently finished Final Fantasy XV. On the whole a good game and there’s plenty yet for me to in it but I have finished the principal story and am somewhat disapointed with it. I was expecting a greater variety of locations, especially for the key missions. Venice, sorry I mean Altissia is lovely but not fully utilized (and the leviathan fight is awful both as battle and spectacle) you basically don’t do anything in Tenebrae and the less said about the fortress in Nifleheim’s capital the better, they were going for menacing what they got was plodding and oppressively drab and Insomnia at night proved not to be much better. As in Final fantasy XIII the storytelling particularly for the latter chapters proved confusing though it has to be said it’s still clearly better than the utter mess that was 13 even in this area. Dramatic moments also struggle to have an impact when they involve characters we barely interact with or see (poor suchandsuch we hardly knew thee……but thats just it we hardly knew thee), this is made all the more noticeable by the fact that the interactions and banter between your 4 companions is often excellent, written and conveyed so much more effectively than much of the rest of the writing and storytelling as to threaten whiplash and does a lot paradoxically to both salvage the game and damn much of the rest of the writing further. The end boss fight is also pretty terrible (though not as bad as Leviathan…..very few things are). Despite this the game’s clearly a step in the right direction after 13 even if the actual storytelling is still awful.

Immortals: Style never dies.

Back in 2011 I saw a movie (with freinds……yes I once had them) that came out that year called the Immortals. It was one of those films inspired very loosely by greek mythology that came out in the years following 300 (seriusly it seemed to be almost a cinematic subgenre for about 5 years) and the following are (for the most part) my thoughts immediately after viewing said…………..why!? why are the Titans imprisoned in a fuse ball cube, why is thier a boat in a village located on a sheer cliff, why is everyone, including dead people! fighting in the sky at the end, why do we see up someone’s kilt, why is thier a guy wearing a barbed metal bull’s head mask (why would anyone wear that!?) why is thier no F*cking grass! or Soil! or trees or anything other than stone, sand or saltflats anywhere! including anywhere near any settlements? why does the bad guy make almost any of his decisions? for that matter why does Zeus! Why do the gods have a prime directive? why does the sidekick join the hero? come to think of it what does the hero even achieve? And why above all does everyone wear such patently ridiculous hats!

Of course there is an answer to the last of these questions for the hats at least are fabulous, their are a distinct lack of immortals in this movie but these fashion choices are surely forever:

 

pfffttt you thought the minotaur was a monster hah! he was just a soldier wearing a mask made out of barbed wire and bull horns because....reasons..... afterall this is the real story without any of that supernatural cr*ap.....except for the energy bow........and the titans......and the olympian gods.....shut up.
pfffttt you thought the minotaur was a monster hah! he was just a soldier wearing a mask made out of barbed wire and bull horns because….reasons….. afterall this is the real story without any of that supernatural cr*ap…..except for the energy bow……..and the titans……and the olympian gods…..shut up.
*mumbles menacingly* "I'm sorry your going to have to speak up, I can't hear you over the stupidness of your hat" *mumbles angrily* "You know what forget I'm just going to imagine your dialogue in the form of song: For it it is a glorious thing to be the Crabby King!!!"
*mumbles menacingly* “I’m sorry your going to have to speak up, I can’t hear you over the stupidness of your hat” *mumbles angrily* “You know what forget I’m just going to imagine your dialogue in the form of song: For it it is a glorious thing to be the Crabby King!!!”
We are the oracle's of the god Pixar, here to enlighten you. You know because we're lamps......lamps........F*ck my career.
We are the oracle’s of the god Pixar, here to enlighten you. You know because we’re lamps……lamps……..F*ck my career.

immortals-movie

Immortals whip

immortals_hammer
No one knows what it’s like to bear this burden……this weight. the weight. Of the stupidest of hats.
Immortals all the hats
In the model-off for stupidest hat the competition was fierce…..and vacant…..mostly vacant.